


When You Can't Love Yourself

by prettyexhaustedthing



Category: K-pop, 방탄소년단 | Bangtan Boys | BTS
Genre: Best Friends, Comedy, Drama, F/M, Fluff, Friends With Benefits, Producer Min Yoongi | Suga, Smut, Unplanned Pregnancy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-20
Updated: 2019-03-20
Packaged: 2019-11-25 23:18:42
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,757
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18172745
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/prettyexhaustedthing/pseuds/prettyexhaustedthing
Summary: You and Yoongi sitting in the tree...K-I-S-S-I-N-GFirst comes friendship...Then comes fooling around...then comes hiding a baby from your best friend...?That is totally NOT how the song goes!!!





	When You Can't Love Yourself

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Arthurs_Little_Sister](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Arthurs_Little_Sister/gifts).



> Hello! This was a prompt request from Arthur_Little_Sister who is basically my little sister in real life. I hope that you guys enjoy this. There is smut. I'd love to hear your thoughts about it and your feelings. 
> 
> I love you! 
> 
> It's good to talk to you again!

            There was late, then there was downright disrespectful late. And the sad thing was you knew that it wasn’t on purpose. Yoongi was probably in his tower working on a new beat and forgot that you had put this gathering together. A party _he_ asked for. You were sitting in his apartment when he looked up from the song he was working on and suddenly mentioned it'd be cool to have a little party in honor of his EP getting a release date. Sure! You said. That'd be cool – we can do it at my place you offered. But now, two and a half hours into it and Yoongi was a no show. You wanted to choke him out. 

            That was only because everyone kept asking you where he was as if they weren't friends with him too. At first, they thought he was late. Not usual for Yoongi, but okay, it was his party. As the evening went on, they saw you as his keeper. One after another someone would pop by and ask what his ETA was like they didn't have his number already stored on their phone. It was Hoseok and Jimin asking over 10 times that made steam nearly pour out of your ears. The only thing that saved them from your wrath was Tae. He must've noticed your frown and how hard you were clutching a knife while cutting snacks. Not that you'd ever use the knife on anyone. Pointing at them to scare them, absolutely but that was about it. 

            The only thing keeping you sane was chopping carrots. There was a sweet satisfaction that came with the crunch and slight difficulty of slicing them into rounds. You had a large pile that was growing by the moment, but it kept you focused. It also prevented you from marching over to his place a few blocks away and chewing Yoongi a new one. It wasn't your fucking job to babysit him. He was a grown ass man. Something he’s told you multiple times when you did try to care for him more than he wanted. You put your hand on the back of the heel and pressed down hard into the vegetable trying not to imagine it was Yoongi’s head.

“I think we have enough carrots, noona.” A deep voice chuckled from the opening in the kitchen. You looked up, glaring daggers at the intruder. Namjoon smirked and put his hands up, “I come in peace!” He laughed.

“I’m glad someone thinks this is funny.” You seethed then you set the knife down before pointing at him, “If you are wondering where your hyung is I don’t know.”

“I’m not. We both know where he is.”

“Are you gonna go get him? I’m not.” You sighed crossing your arms over your chest.

"Nope. I will say this is weird for him. Asking for a party in the first place, in general, was weird for him."

“He was proud that the EP got a release date.” You mumbled. Namjoon nodded and walked over popping a few pieces of carrot into his mouth, 

“We all are proud, so why isn’t he here?”

“I don’t have time for your fucking mind games.” You groaned before pulling pushing your braids behind your shoulder,

“You are no fun.” Namjoon whined, “Go check on him. I’ll hold down the fort here. Make sure the kiddos don’t ruin everything.”

You sighed, “It’s not my job. This is your job.” Then you pointed to him, “Brother.” Then to yourself, “Best friend.”

"And as his brother, I know that me going over there is just going to make him irritated. So go. I know you want to anyway."

            Namjoon popped another carrot in his mouth dramatically, and you loudly huffed. You announced to him that if you aren't back in thirty minutes to come get the both of you because surely you were about to murder him. You grabbed Yoongi's spare key off the table by the door and made your way to his apartment. As soon as you slipped the key into the lock, you knew what you were going to find. Yoongi sitting at his keyboard or at his computer working, with a cup of cold coffee next to him. Then he'd look at you, realize his mistake, silently cursing himself out then walk to the party. 

            As you walked past the doorman, you gave him a small wave. Most people had to sign in, but you and he had an understanding. Well, Yoongi told him that whenever he saw you not to stop you, not to bother you, and surely never make you sign in. The doorman smiled back and told you to have a good evening. He was right, you should have a good evening. You boarded the elevator and pushed out all murderous, evil thoughts out of your head. Because even though you were mad as soon as you saw those deep, beautiful eyes and that gummy smile you'd forgive him. You always did. 

            Honestly, the night reminded you of when you met Yoongi and how you became good friends with him in the first place. You got invited to Namjoon's album release party a year ago and was standing at the bar by yourself. Yoongi came over and started talking to you randomly. At the time, you didn't know who he was. You just remember being very confused why this dude decked in black designer clothing with silver hair was talking to you. There were multiple times in the evening where you gave him the chance to leave, but Yoongi stayed. When you asked him about it, later on, he said that at first, he was using you for protection from all of the clout chasers then found out you were cool.

            Namjoon told you how strange that was for Yoongi a few months into the acquaintance. To seek companionship. You didn't understand what he meant by that, but then as your friendship grew it made sense. At first, Yoongi would appear then disappear from your life. That was fine with you. You were busy with work, and you were a firm believer in people made time for what they wanted to make time for. Then Yoongi would seek you out more. Inviting you to his concerts, his home, integrating you with the rest of his friends.

            There was one day you were sitting on his couch watching a movie with him, and you decided to recount the days spent with him. For almost six months straight you spent some time with him. During that time, you traded keys, got the code to his studio, the password to his things just in case. There were so many adventures that the two of you got into, so many inside jokes, so many nights talking about the future. There were also nights that you'd cry to him and nights he'd weep to you. 

            That's partially why this party was so important. Yoongi's EP had been pushed back so many times that the last time they delayed it back, he barged into your apartment agitated. He kept repeating over and over again why the fuck was he trying so hard. When you wanted him to talk to you, he couldn't. He just kept saying he was worthless like a horrible mantra. You grabbed him and pulled him to the couch holding him, letting him get out everything that he was feeling. You'd never forget the pain in his voice or how many tears washed over you. You didn't know what to do so you told your truth, 

“ _Yoongi…it’s okay to feel worthless. Because I know your worth. I’ll love you until you can love yourself again, okay?”_

            The ding of the elevator pulled you from your memories. You marched to the end of the hallway with Yoongi's key out ready to drag him to the party he asked for. You slipped it inside the lock and opened it up to see chaos. You froze at the threshold scanning the room for Yoongi. It looked like a break-in. Yoongi’s favorite mug shattered against the hardwood, sheet music all strewn about. Paintings that you helped hang tossed across the room.  His keyboard turned over on the floor. Your throat tightened as you heard sniffling.

"Yoon?" You whispered stepping inside. The sniffling stopped, "Yoongi."  You closed the door behind you quietly, afraid that if you made a noise something would pop out to get you. "Min Yoongi." You swallowed,

"What?" He croaked. You snapped your head to the other side of the room to see Yoongi sitting in the corner like a broken doll. His dark eyes blank, face soaking wet, hair dull. Something horrible had happened. You ran over to him getting on your knees reaching out to touch his face. He turned away quickly, but you grabbed him anyway forcing him to look at you,   
  
“Are you okay? What happened?”

"Go away." He murmured pushing your hands off weakly,

“Not until you tell me what happened. Did you call the police yet? Who did this?”

Yoongi closed his eyes and laughed darkly once, “Me.”

            Your stomach tightened as your brain tried to wrap itself around that idea. Yoongi did this to his own things? He trashed his apartment? He threw down his precious keyboard? No. That wasn’t possible. It had to be someone else. Someone fucked his shit up because he wouldn’t do that to himself.

“I don’t understand.” 

“What’s there not to understand. There’s no point to me having these things if they aren’t ever going to be used for me.” Yoongi sighed as tears started to pool in his eyes again, “There’s no point. There never was any point.” You stared at him silently willing him to tell you what was happening. He looked over to you as tears dripped down his pale face, “They pushed back my EP again.”

“What?” You shook your head, “No. They gave you a date. You worked on cover art and the liner notes and –”

“They pushed it back okay?!” He snapped, “They want to promote another artist first. My EP isn't as good as theirs.” 

“They aren’t as good as you.” You nodded,

“How could you know that?" Yoongi sneered, "You've never heard them. I have. I worked on their album, and they're right. They should push my EP back. It's not good enough. Because I'm not good. Because I'm worthless."

"You're not." You interjected, "You know that." Yoongi pressed his lips together in a thin line observing you as you stood up and reached your hand out to him, "C'mon – let me take you to the party then I'll come back here and clean this place up. What you need right now is a stiff drink and friends."

“Are you fucking stupid? How can I go to a party that is supposed to be for an EP that will never come out, huh? How can I show my face to them right now? You want me to explain to them over and over again how I’m not good enough?” 

“Of –”

“Then why the fuck would you suggest that? Just get out. Leave me alone and get out!” Yoongi screamed from the floor, the tears falling faster. 

            A heavy feeling appeared in your stomach as you watched Yoongi fall apart. You knew that his anger wasn’t directed at you, but it still hurt. You swallowed and took a deep breath standing your ground because this wasn’t your Yoongi,

“What do you need?”

Yoongi’s eyes got wide then he pushed himself up with a speed you had never seen before. He got close to your face, his face contorted with pain and anger, “I said. Get the fuck out.”

"What do you need?" You growled staring him down, "What do you need?! Say the word, and I'll do it. But you need to tell me what you need."

“GET! OUT!” He howled pushing you back on every word. You yelped and slipped your back connecting with a wall. But that wasn’t going to stop you. Yoongi was hurting. You glared and looked up at him,

“I’m going to ask this once more. If you put your fucking hands on me again, I’m leaving…forever. Think very carefully. What do you need?” Yoongi bared his teeth at you as if that would scare you then balled his fists at his side. He took a shallow breath closing his eyes, tears dripping down regardless. When he put his head on your shoulder and wrapped his arms around your waist you knew what he needed…but he had to say it, “What do you need?”

            Yoongi pulled you in close before moving his face to your neck taking a deep breath of your scent. He nuzzled against the crook of your neck, his lips trailing all the way to your jaw sending sparks throughout your body. His hands slid under your shirt playing with the clasp of your bra. You swallowed and grabbed his arms pulling them to his side,

“What do you need, Yoongi.”

“I need you…” He trailed off, “I need you to love me. I need you to love me because I can’t love myself right now.” 

“Okay.”

            It was all the permission that Yoongi needed. He kissed you softly. Like he was afraid that you were going to stop him. For a moment you thought you were kissing a different person than the last time this happened. Yoongi’s kiss when you told him that you’d love him the first time was feverish and hungry. As if he needed your warmth to survive. This time he felt timid. Yoongi’s hands ran up your sides trembling slightly, and you smiled at him softly,

“Let me take care of you, okay?”

            Yoongi paused and nodded taking a step back from you looking at you to lead. You grabbed his hand and lead him over the destruction of the living room to his second sanctuary, his bedroom. When you and Yoongi first did this, it hard and fast. He'd stick his fingers into your hair and pull your head back before biting down on your neck his silent claim on you. He'd make you scream his name as he denied you the orgasm you so desperately wanted. You were his plaything and fuck if you didn't love it. He enjoyed watching you squirm and whimper. He loved bringing your voice to the highest pitch it could make. He loved being the ultimate reason for your pleasure… but tonight, Yoongi needed a softer kind of love. 

            You sat him down on the bed and sank to your knees, focusing on the bulge before you. This was one thing Yoongi never let you do. You always wondered what he tasted like…if he was salty or sweet. If gagging on his cock would bring you to tears. Warmth pooled in your core as you started to become slick happy to finally have your mouth wrapped around him. You ignored his stare as you unzipped his pants carefully, pulling his cock out. He would hate to hear this, but you thought he was perfect. When he was inside of you felt full and stretched just a little bit, but never painful. Even when he was rough with you, pulling your head back and slapping your ass with your hand his cock never hurt you. When Yoongi was fucking you, it was a bit like bliss.

           There were so many ways to start, but you decided to place soft kisses along his shaft before licking his tip. Yoongi sighed happily and tensed up slightly as you slid part of him in your mouth. The more of him you took inside, the heavier he would breathe until your lips were kissing the base of his cock. You bobbed your head up and down using his whimpers and moans as your guide. Your tongue wrapped around him as you sucked him faster and faster. When Yoongi sighed your name, you couldn't help but feel a deep pride. It was when you started to swallow his cock, your throat muscles squeezing and releasing his tip Yoongi put his hands on your head begging for you to keep going. And who were you not to oblige him.

            Yoongi's body tensed up as he moaned loudly, his seed filling your mouth. His cum tasted like cum a little briny, slimy texture, but for some reason, because it was his cum…it was significantly better. You pulled your mouth off him with a satisfying pop smiling at your handiwork. Yoongi fell back on the bed, his body covered in a light sheen chest heaving. 

He croaked beckoning you to the bed, “C’mere…” You pushed down your jeans and pulled off your top quickly before crawling next to him. Yoongi smiled at you softly. His eyes lidded as he leaned forward to kiss your lips. You turned to give him your cheek,

"You just came in my mouth. That's gross." You laughed, then looked down at his cock still erect. You took your bottom lip in your mouth and bit down hard to keep yourself from grinning. Fucking Yoongi was still the best part. Most of the time it was you on your knees allowing him to go as fast and hard as he wanted as you were a crying mess into the pillow. The change was nice. You slid your panties off quickly before crawling on top of him,  
  
“I’m better now…” He insisted with his eyes closed. You pouted and rubbed your slick entrance on him, lightly scratching his chest. You leaned down and bit his neck lightly,  
  
“C’mon…you know you want too.” 

“I do.” Yoongi laughed, “But isn’t someone going to come –” His breath caught in his chest as you started to slide him inside of you, arching your back and moaning happily,

“M…me…” You whimpered, “I’m…going to c…cum now..”

            Yoongi nodded and grabbed your hips tightly helping you rock back and forth on him. You wanted to cry out to him; it was too slow. That you needed to grind your hips into his until words failed you. You started to go faster forcing him to match your speed. He smirked and lifted his hand up to pitch your nipple making your yelp. Yoongi released your hips and let you bounce and grind until your heart's content, his cock stretching your slick walls apart. Then he used his strong, calloused thumb against your clit sending electricity through your body. As fast as you bucked was as fast as his thumb rubbed. Yoongi encouraged you to moan as loud as you wanted as his mouth wrapped around your hardened nipple and nipped at it. You dug your nails into his back feeling the pressure growing as you were getting closer to your climax.

            The world flashed white as your orgasm raced through your whole body. You slumped over and panted into Yoongi’s ear as his praise washed over to you, his sweet hands tucking your braids behind your ears. He planted soft kisses on your cheeks and nose as he grabbed your hips bucking into you. You could tell he was so close from his grunts and whimpers and even if you were spent it still felt amazing. You leaned down and bit down on his neck for some encouragement as you tried to help him by clenching your walls tightly around him. Yoongi moaned deeply; his muscles flexing while his warm, sticky fluid filled you up. He kissed your forehead once more before slowly laying you on your side. 

            When you first were fucked by Yoongi, you were surprised how sweet he was with his aftercare. Now it was something you expected but still appreciated. He rubbed your arms slightly as your body temperature dropped then got up once he found some strength to get you a warmth cloth. Yoongi cleaned you from head to toe before tucking you into bed and lying beside you.

“We can’t sleep long…” You yawned, “They are still looking for us at the party.”

“Google…set an alarm for twenty minutes.” He called out before wrapping his arms around you, placing his chest on your back, “Rest for twenty and then we’ll go okay.” You nodded and let your eyes flutter close, “Thank you, Y/N.”

“You know the deal. We’ll love each other when we don’t love ourselves.”

            That was the promise you both made after the first night. And kept making to each other each time. Sometimes it was you that needed to be loved and sometimes it was Yoongi. Either way, both of you were happy to help. Even if the helping hand got you in trouble. When you woke up, it was a brand-new day to your dismay. Google didn't do its job and wake you up!  You stumbled out of bed throwing on one of Yoongi’s flannels looking for your purse. Once you located it, you pulled it out to see all of the missed calls and texts from various partygoers. The texts that mattered the most to you was from Namjoon.

8:45pm

**Joonie:** It’s been 30 minutes

**Joonie:** I’m gonna assume that you need more time

 

10:27pm

**Joonie:** Okay – its been an hour and a half. What the fuck are ya'll doin?

**Joonie:** I mean I can guess what ya’ll are doing but damn

 

1:45am

**Joonie:** The party is kinda slowin down. I’mma wrap it up and clean. I’ll leave the keys in the usual spot.

 

9:37AM

I'm so sorry! He didn't wanna come, and we ended up watching a movie: **You**

**Joonie: **Sure.

**Joonie: **“Watching a movie.”

**Joonie:** Anyway…you’re awake. Good. I’m outside the door with breakfast.

 

            Part of you wanted to make Namjoon wait a bit because you hated that he was so close to guessing your secret. From the beginning, Namjoon would insinuate a relationship between you and Yoongi that didn't exist. When he saw that wasn't working, he started implying about a sexual relationship that he didn't know existed. Anytime he mentioned it you and Yoongi would both say you were too busy to date and neither of you could imagine being more than just friends. It was the truth at first, but over time it changed. The only reason you decided to let Namjoon in was because of the rumbling in your stomach. You were starving. You walked over to open the door when you realized you weren’t wearing panties or panties. You ran back into the bedroom and grabbed your jeans throwing them on, then slapped Yoongi’s arm hard,

“Joon is here.” You huffed as Yoongi groaned turning onto his side, “Get up and put some clothes on.”

“Tell him to go away.” Yoongi hissed putting a pillow over his head,

“He brought food.”

            You took a deep breath and gave a small prayer that you didn't smell like sex. When you opened the door, Namjoon gave you a cheeky grin and walked right in. Then he paused looking at the mess, 

“Wow. You guys really…really…really… _watched a movie_.”

“Fuck off. We did watch a movie. And it looked like this when I got here.” You groaned snatching the bag of food out of his hand. Then you looked back at him, “What no coffee?” 

“Yoongi has coffee. I would’ve thought he put a pot on by now.” 

“I was sleeping.” Yoongi yawned leaning against his bedroom doorframe, his hair a mess on his head. You bit your bottom lip staring at the way his white shirt dipped below his collar bone, plus the way his deep raspy morning voice messed with you. It was worse when he was speaking in Korean. Jesus, you loved anytime he talked to you in Korean.  You tore your eyes away from him forcing yourself to shrug at Namjoon.

“Well. I’ll be back to discuss this…” Namjoon said while gesturing to the living room, “But first…coffee.” He walked to the kitchen stepping over sharp objects and turned over items. 

            Coffee certainly helped Yoongi explain what happened to his place. Namjoon was just as frustrated as you were when you heard about the EP push back. He told Yoongi that he'd talk to the label first thing Monday morning. Yoongi shrugged and didn't reply. Which said more than to you than any words. The three of you spent the rest of the morning cleaning up Yoongi's place and getting it back to the way it was. You asked Yoongi once more if he needed anything else. He gave you a small gummy smile and said he just needed to work on his music so he can finally be the artist he could be. Hearing him say those words released a knot that you didn't even know was in your stomach. 

            Like every time you and Yoongi had sex before, it was like nothing happened. You both got what you needed, and that was that…until next time. And there was always going to be the next time. A month and a half later you came over to his studio after a failed date, and Yoongi showed you what kind of man you needed in the best way. His quick tongue danced over your wet folds as his fingers thrust in and out of you. You leaned back against his console fucking up all of his slides and buttons. He looked up and smirked telling you how much trouble you were in before dipping his head back to his favorite place. You came three times on the console before he fucked you. And if that was his form of punishment, then you would gladly be punished every fucking day. 

            Over time the days without having sex with Yoongi became shorter and shorter until you were wrecked by him almost three or four times a week, sometimes all days on the weekend. Still, neither of you talked about it. Which was fine by you. Your job was stressful enough, and Yoongi provided the best kind of relief. The only person who seemed insistent that something change was Namjoon, who had no real proof that anything as going on. Aside from you and Yoongi were joined at the hip even more than usual. 

            One morning you were sitting on Yoongi's couch and scrolling through your phone. He cooped himself in his small studio all night, and you figured he'd be coming out for coffee sooner than later. You paused watching your feed fill up with the hashtags #SUGA and #SUGAEP. You blinked clicking the links trying to swallow down joy. There was no need to get excited because it was probably a release date. Yoongi would’ve told you if his EP was released fully. You followed the links all the way back to the label’s SoundCloud looking at Yoongi’s newly released EP.

            You didn't even know how fast you got up. All you knew is that you didn't care that Yoongi was deep into his work. You threw your arms around his neck and squealed pulling off his headphones shoving your phone into his face, 

“Why didn’t you tell me! I’m so proud of you, Yoon!”

He was quiet for a moment before smiling with a dusting of red on his face, “I wasn’t sure if they were serious. I wanted to tell you when I knew for sure. You beat me to it. Don’t tell me the reviews though.”

“Congrats!” You cried sitting in his lap. You put your forehead against his letting this moment sink in. He finally got what he wanted. His EP was released, and you didn't need to hear it know it was good.  Proud didn't cut it. You laughed kissed his cheek quickly while squeezing his hand, “We have to celebrate. I’m going to head back to my apartment…call the guys…we’ll have dinner at my place okay?” You hopped up quickly hearing his gentle giggle before the headphones went back on.

            For such a special occasion, you needed a special meal. You raced off the grocery store, the fancy one with all of the expensive organic fruits and veggies and the grass-fed meat. The kind that Yoongi would turn his nose at, yet love because it would taste so good. When you walked into the store, you got a strong whiff of boiled egg. It made your stomach churn. It was such an intense sensation you ran through the isles to the nearest bathroom allowing all the contents of the small breakfast you ate to come up. You placed your head against the side of the stall taking deep breaths, 

“Miss…I’m a manager…are you alright?” A woman asked tapping on the door,

"Yeah. I think. I felt sick all of a sudden. I think I'll be alright now." You nodded pushing yourself off the floor and leaving the bathroom stall,   
  
"Do you think you ate something weird?" You eyed the woman up and down, noticing the name tag – Melinda. You shrugged before turning the sink on and scooping some water into your mouth swishing it around. You spat it out and looked at yourself in the mirror,

“No weirder than normal. I smelled eggs when I walked into the store, and it made me sick."

Melinda laughed and patted your back, “Oh! I had that when I was pregnant with my first child. She hated the smells of eggs, coffee…refused to let me get anywhere near alcohol.” You narrowed your eyes at her,

“I’m not pregnant.” 

            Melinda's weathered face fell then she pushed her lips together tightly. She took a step back from you and muttered her apologizes before leaving the bathroom. Pregnant. That was funny. You walked through the grocery store putting items for dinner in the basket, but that woman's words kept playing in your head. You shook your head and kept moving through the store until you found your way in the coffee and tea aisle. You looked at a bag of roasted beans and rolled your eyes throwing it into your basket. Even if you took a smell of it and got sick, it didn't mean you were pregnant. It meant you were sensitive to smells today. You probably had a migraine coming on if anything. You were headed to the checkout line when you passed the feminine products.

            The pink and blue boxes of pregnancy tests were lining the aisle. You rolled your eyes and grabbed two of them putting them in the basket. You knew you weren't pregnant but why not give yourself some peace of mind and pee on a stick. After you paid for your items, you sat in your car looking at the bag of groceries, specifically the coffee. As much as you didn’t want to play the if this then that game, but Melinda planted that fucking idea in your head. Never in your life did boiled eggs make you that nauseous. Did they smell good? Not really but that didn’t mean when you smelled them you had to throw up everything in your body. You grabbed the bag of coffee beans and opened them. The moment the smell hit the air your stomach flipped making you open the door to gag outside of the car.

            You spent the rest of the evening getting ready for the dinner trying to push the idea of carrying a lifeform out of your head. You could've peed on the stick and had some relief, but you didn't have time. You tried to do it then you remembered you needed to season the meat. Then there was the perfect opportunity, but you needed to vacuum under the table. Once all of the food was nearly done cooking, you were in the bathroom getting ready when you got a call – ultimately making you forget. And when you did remember you were opening the door for your guests. 

            Jin walked in with a couple of bags of food, and with Tae, Jimin, and Jungkook following behind. You hugged three of them gently letting them in. They had been over your house many times now they knew the deal. Jungkook wrapped his arms around your torso hugging you tightly and spinning you around in the tight hallway.

“Okay. Okay!” You laughed, “Lemme down.”

“No…” He whined, “You never come and see me anymore. Too busy styling our sunbaes.” 

“Are you complaining about the promotion I worked hard to get!” You laughed as you slipped out of his arms, “There was no way I would ever be able to style any of you. So, I took my chance with them. And they respect me as their noona!” You nodded flicking his forehead. Jungkook hissed and rubbed it before following his friends into the dining room.

            Beeping from your oven reminded of the food that remained inside of it. Thank God you set that timer, or everything would've burned up. How could you forget about that? Before you had a chance to pull it out, Jin called out to you that he had it. You hollered your thanks as the front door slowly opened, 

“Ah, I hate just opening her door.” Hoseok sighed stepping inside,

“Why? Aren’t we like family at this point?” You teased putting your hands on his long face and pulling out his cheeks, 

“OW! Yes! But that doesn’t mean you can treat me like some child.” He rolled his eyes pushing your hand off before planting a soft kiss on your cheek.

“Gross.” Namjoon groaned before rubbing pulling your braids out and making a silly face at you.

You stared at him blankly and looked behind him, “Where is he?”

“Not my job.” He replied as Hoseok left the two of you alone. You put your hands on your hips and shook your head,   
  
“We’ve been over this. Best friend…brother…”

“Shouldn’t you change your title? Lover would work.”

            As you stuck your tongue out to gag, your body went in into full reflex mode bile coming up to the top of your mouth. You put up a finger and rushed off to your bathroom spitting in the sink, disgusted with the acidity in your mouth. Even if you weren’t pregnant, you needed to go to the doctor at least. You put some water in your mouth swishing it around for the second time today,

"Are you okay?" Namjoon asked from the doorway. You spit looking at him from the side of your eye to see his face full of concern,  
  
“Yeah. I’ve just been having a weird day…” 

“Oh yeah?” He nodded slowly then looked down at the unopened pregnancy test. You grimaced and grabbed it quickly putting it behind you as if that would make him unsee. He walked inside and closed the door behind him leaning in close to whisper, “Are you preg –”

“No!” You hissed pushing him away, “No! Because to be pregnant one would need to have sex. And I haven’t had sex since –”

“Yesterday?” He interjected. You threw up your middle finger and took a deep breath too exhausted to keep lying to him.

“Yes. Since yesterday but I’m not pregnant. I’m on birth control.”

Namjoon pushed up his glasses standing up straight, “Well…its only 99% effective and that’s only if you take it every day at the same time.”

“Why do you know that?” 

“I like to read.” He answered simply. You rolled your eyes and threw the test in your tub quickly, “You’ve been taking it every day – at the same time. You are one hundred percent sure?”

            No…you weren't one hundred percent sure. But you knew you took it. Maybe not every day and perhaps not at the same time but you took it. You swallowed and put your finger up at him thinking on the last few months. You took it yesterday for sure because you saw a commercial for a new kind of IUD. And hours and hours of pleasure. The days before that were so foggy, the only essential memories were of you shopping in designer clothes and sitting in Yoongi's lap as you both read books. You felt the blood leave your face as you couldn’t remember the last time you took your birth control aside from yesterday. Yoongi never used protection because you told him that you were on the pill.

“You can’t can you?” Namjoon breathed his eyes getting wide, “Holy shit. You’re fucking pregnant.”

“I’m not. I’m…” You stopped talking hearing your door close and the shuffling of feet and a soft swearing. Yoongi was here. You looked into Namjoon’s eyes and mouthed to him not a fucking word before brushing past him to greet the man of the hour.

            Yoongi placed his bomber jacket on a hook as you poked his cheek walking past him as if nothing was wrong. He hissed at you before tugging on your hair playfully. You bounced your eyebrows at him as you walked backward guiding through your home to the kitchen,

"It's all your favorites! Meat!" You exclaimed. Yoongi tucked his hands into the pockets of his tight jeans with a small smirk and look that was far dirtier than you needed it to be. Behind him, Namjoon mouthed ‘you're pregnant' while mimicking a large stomach. You ignored him and focused on Yoongi, "Plus everybody you hate the most is here." On cue table full of young men pounded on the table screaming Yoongi’s name shaking the classes and plates of food.

“Okay…okay…pipe down.” Yoongi laughed pushing his hands down to signal them to be quiet.

            Jin stood up with a shot of something clear in his hand looking ready to toast. Then he looked around the room and frowned,

“Where’s Namjoon?”

“Right here. I was going to _pacify_ you guys.” He smirked. You waited till he walked next to you elbowed him hard then found your place in between Tae and Jungkook at as Yoongi took his place at the head of the table. You looked at the shot before you then heard Namjoon's loud coughing. He gave you a look, and you picked it up glaring at him. Jin looked at the two of you before shaking it off and going back to his toast, 

“Yoongi-ah! Congrats on the release of and this is a quote from Billboard, the greatest rap EP all year. We are all so proud of you and can't wait to see you grow from here."

            Yoongi nodded and pushed his shot into the air before drinking it, with the rest of the table following. You would've too if Namjoon weren't staring you down like a hawk. You glared and put your shot down crossing your arms over your chest huffing. You weren't pregnant, so you weren't sure why he treated as such. Yoongi gave you a quick look of concern before picking up your and downing it too. 

“Next is an album, right? Which means you are going to feature me on it right? I mean. We are label mates.” Jungkook beamed before plopping back into his seat.

“Sorry…as the best-selling artist on our label if anyone’s gonna feature on Yoon’s album it’s gonna be me.” Namjoon nodded confidently.

"We should be thankful that the EP finally made its way out," Yoongi grumbled with a bit of a laugh while putting food on his plate.

“Yeah, you were _pregnant_ with it for a while.” Namjoon chuckled looking at you. It took all of your will power not to kick Namjoon as hard as you could under the table. Yoongi looked over at him with disgust,

“What in actual fuck does that mean?”

Hoesok looked up from his phone and sighed, “You know, it was inside of you for a long time…like when a woman gets pregnant. It’s not a common phrase but is easy to understand.”

"Pregnancy is wonderful." Tae sighed putting his hands over his heart, "I can't wait to have someone who looks like me running around."

"I'm good." Jimin nodded, "I don't want to have to clean up shit and piss. I'll just be everyone's rich uncle."

“I’m with the tiny one.” Jungkook teased before taking a big bite of food. You sighed and picked up a skewer before taking a small bite. It was after the second chew you noticed how quiet it was and how everyone was looking to you,

“What?” You whined,

“Aren’t you gonna say something about having a baby?” Jimin asked.

"What? Just because I'm a woman, you think all I do is think about when I get to push a ten-pound parasite out? No. I’m good on that.” 

“But you’d be so cute as a mom…” Jin smiled,

“That’s cool.” You shrugged, “Eventually but not now. Too busy.”

“Yoon is gonna understand busy, aren’t you hyung.” Tae beamed nudging him. You frowned in confusion looking at the rest of the table, 

“What do you mean?” You asked,

"He's going to go on tour opening for Namjoon in a few months, then he's going to work on his album and do his own tour," Jin answered slurping down noodles. You mumbled oh and fought off the feeling of your heart sinking. Yoongi was already busy, but soon he was going to be so busy and gone. You wouldn't be able to see him, and it stung you in a way you didn’t think was possible. You’d be lonely but proud.

“Then there’s all the press and promo stuff. Yoongi’s going to be a very busy rapper soon.” Hoseok grinned,  
  
“Good thing he doesn’t have a baby huh!” Namjoon smirked, “It’d be hard to have a baby and be on tour.” 

“What’s with all the baby talk?” Yoongi sighed, “Are you trying to tell us something? Did you knock up that trainee…what was her name…Bunny or something?”

“Holy shit, are you gonna be a dad?” You snorted hitting the table, “I can’t imagine a little you walking around.” The apartment was filled with uproarious laughter. All the boys agreed with you, and you were happy to have the tables turned on Namjoon. He rolled his eyes and sighed, 

“Okay, okay!” Namjoon laughed slowly then put his nose in the air sniffing, “Do you guys smell that?”

“Smell what?” Yoongi asked sipping on the glass of wine that was set out just for him. Namjoon looked straight into your eyes and smiled darkly, 

“It smells like there’s a bun in the oven.”

            You acted before you could really think about what you were doing. You connected your foot to Namjoon’s shin as hard as you could glaring at him. He yelped and pushed away from the table holding his leg in pain. Everyone’s voices erupted at once as they asked him what happened. You raised your hand innocently and shrugged,

"I accidentally kicked him. I felt something on my leg." You nodded and continued to eat. Hoesok and Tae started to sputter before the laughs poured out of them. Namjoon glared at you before scooting back to the table. There were no more baby jokes, puns, or conversation for the rest of the dinner. But you knew that you had to pee on that stick as soon as everyone left to give you real peace of mind.

            For the first time in forever, you decided to kick Yoongi out, nicely of course. You could tell he was hanging around as the last of the boys were leaving, but you needed to do the test in complete privacy. When Namjoon finally walked out of your apartment but not to go without a final baby joke, Yoongi walked over to you and put his forehead against yours with a big grin. He told you how happy this made him and how much he appreciated you. It was when his voice dipped down, and his fingers danced across your collar bone you knew why he declined actual dessert. You swallowed and took a step back,

“I’m actually kind of tired right now.” 

Yoongi frowned for a moment while scratching his eyebrow. Then his eyes went large, “Of course you are! You did all of this for me... Sorry. Let me draw you a bath.”

“No. You don’t have too.” You yawned before stretching your body up,

"But I want too. Let me be nice. Sit." Yoongi grinned brightly before shuffling off to your bathroom. You were tired. And a bath would feel fantastic right about now. You'd kick him out after.           

             After a few minutes of running water, you walked into the bathroom, leaning on the frame of the door with your arms crossed. Yoongi sat there humming to himself letting his fingers skim the top of the water as it filled. You placed your head on top of his then draped your arms around his shoulders,

“Where are the bubbles?”

“You need bubbles? Are you not an adult?” He chuckled before leaning down to bite your wrist gently,

"Bubbles are nice. But. I guess not." You laughed standing up and pushing your clothes off. Yoongi leaned back as you stepped over him into the water a slight hiss escaping your lips, "A little hot but…I'mma be fine." 

“Sorry.”

            Once you finally sunk your body into the water, it felt like all of you worries were being melted away. Yoongi grabbed the shampoo from the shelf as you dunked your head under quickly. He squirted some into his capable hands gently going through your kinks making sure not to tangle anything. You closed your eyes and let his strong fingers do their job. He muttered for you to rinse the shampoo out so he can put your deep condition in. You dipped under the water once more getting all of the shampoo out.

            When you came back up Yoongi was holding the pregnancy test box looking at you with a blank face, 

“Wanna talk about something?”

You swallowed and felt your skin go cold, "No…" You lunged at the box splashing water outside of the tub, but Yoongi held it just out of your reach,

"You sure. Because this seems like something, we should talk about."

"It's a pregnancy test. How do you even know it's mine?" You groaned falling back into the water. Yoongi pressed his lips together, and you sighed, "I mean yes, it's in my house. It's mine. But it's not like I was going to use it. I bought it for a friend." 

“Which friend?”

“Azura.” You lied. Yoongi raised an eyebrow,

“I thought she was still in Europe.”

"Did I say Azura. I meant to say, Holly." 

“My dog?” 

“There are humans named Holly too, ya know.” You snapped.

“I mean. It would explain all the weird pregnancy talk at dinner.”

“Namjoon was being his weird self and kept it up when he saw the box too. I’m not pregnant. I’ll pee on it to prove it.” 

"Okay." Yoongi nodded and backed up allowing you space to get out of the tub. You kept your face still even though your heart was racing. It felt like it was trying to break out of your ribcage. You pushed yourself up feeling the prickly sensation of fear start to flood your system and grabbed the box shakily. You weren't pregnant. You knew that. And peeing on it was only going to prove it.

“Can you give me a little privacy please?” You suggested, throwing on your robe. He looked up and down at you before leaving. Then you peed on a stick.

            Peeing on the stick was way easier than waiting, you found out. You stood at the sink staring at it waiting the recommended time watching the lines slowly appear. Two. Pink. Lines. Your stomach sank. You grabbed the box looking on the back praying that two lines meant you weren't pregnant. Even if the instructions on the stick said, two lines meant you were. Hot bile reached the top of your throat. This couldn't be happening. Jesus. It couldn't be happening! You didn't have time to raise a kid. You were running around with your clients. Could you imagine bringing a little snot-nosed kid into Barney's as it cried for milk? And where was Yoongi going to be?! He's going on tour now, and he wasn't going to have time for a kid. Knowing him, because even if Yoongi liked to pretend he was dark and evil, he'd put it all on hold to be the best father he could be. You couldn't do that to him – especially after his EP just came out. Your heart raced faster as you grabbed the other stick and turned the water faucet on sticking in the water quickly. You shoved the real one under your sink, behind a pile of plastic bags.

            When you opened the door, Yoongi was sitting at the kitchen table, swirling around a glass of wine. You sat next to him and sat down the false test with a big smile,   
  
“Told ya, I wasn’t pregnant.” You smirked nudging him. The look he gave you was unreadable when you expected it to be full of relief. You poked his cheek, “What’s with that face?”

“Nothing.”

"It's something. Speak." Yoongi said nothing, and you put your head on his shoulder, "Aren't you glad that you aren't having a baby? I mean…you are gonna be so busy soon. You probably won't have time to see me even. And honestly, it's not like I have the time to get pregnant…those sunbaes of yours are a handful and don't ever stop growing for some reason."

Yoongi smirked and nodded sipping on his wine, “You’re right." You grabbed Yoongi's arm and pulled him to the bed. While he talked about his dreams of a tour – you thought about what you were going to do with the growing fetus inside of you. Abortion was out of the question. You couldn't imagine that – ending its life because of a mistake you made. But you didn't want to raise it either. Which left you with the third option, putting it up for adoption. But you couldn't do that without talking to Yoongi first, but it wasn't like you could do that either because you told him you weren't pregnant.

            As you tried to continue your everyday life normally, it was like the world didn’t want you to forget for a moment that you were pregnant. There were babies in every ad you passed by. Every store had a cooing adorable child in a stroller. Baby clothes were somehow the most fascinating thing you’d ever seen in your life. Then there was the morning sickness. How any woman had more than one child after puking their guts like this was beyond you.

            It was a blessing that Yoongi had to focus so much the tour with Namjoon. It gave you more time to weigh your options. You saw him as often as he could, and when you did see him, he was so exhausted. Honestly, so where you. The two of you went from fucking all the time to sleeping all the time. Then it was the night before the tour. He tried to get a little frisky, but you told him that you weren't feeling it. When you mentioned it to him that you'd miss him the words got stuck in your throat as tears threatened to fall down your face. He kissed them away and assured you he'd be back sooner than later…then ordered you not to get another best friend. You promised you wouldn’t.

            While he was gone, you went to the OBGYN. If you were going to do this, you were going to do this right. You were shocked to learn you were about thirteen weeks pregnant and your baby was the size of a lemon. A little lemon. When you went shopping after the appointment, you held a lemon in your hand then imagined it was your child. Tears stung your eyes as you kept it close to your heart. Your baby. How the idea of letting someone else raise it ever came across your mind was insane. You'd figure it out like every other single mother in the world. Yoongi had bigger and better things to do.

            The day you noticed your belly looked actually pregnant you stared at yourself in the mirror for hours mesmerized at your new form. Did you always glow like this or was it your imagination? Was your hair always this shiny? Were you always this beautiful? You put your hands on your belly and hummed. You laid on the bed and put headphones on your stomach allowing your child to listen to Yoongi's music. It became your ritual. Every day you put Yoongi’s songs on your stomach for an hour because the child deserved to know what her father sounded like if you weren’t going to allow Yoongi to be in their life.

            But it wasn’t like Yoongi was gone. Even if he wasn’t with you, you still texted all the time. He always called. Sent you demos. Asked your opinion. Nothing changed from him. And nothing would change until he came back. You were counting down the days until you got the ‘I'm home, I'm coming over' text. Because you had to either tell him or you'd have to leave him behind. Neither option you were thrilled with. Yoongi deserved to see ultrasounds and feel kicks and be a part of this kid’s life. He also deserved to live his career to the highest. He worked so hard for it.

            That’s why when he texted you, he was home you told him you were sick. The next day he asked if he could come over and you told him you weren’t home. And the next day he…then you…then he…then you…a terrible cycle until the texts slowed down and you were six months pregnant sweating just to tie your shoe. You hid it so well, you were a stylist after all. You drowned yourself in baggy sweatshirts, dresses, leggings. You shrugged off the weird looks from your clients with jokes and changing of subjects. 

            You sat on your couch reading ‘What to Expect When Your Expecting’ highlighting and bookmarking certain sections when there was a loud knock on the door. You froze and lay still praying Yoongi hadn’t decided to pop up on you tired of your excuses. The knocking was louder the second time,

"Open the door. I know you're there. Your car is downstairs in the lot." Namjoon sighed. You rolled your eyes and got up wincing. As you waddled to the door Namjoon's pounding was harder, and for a moment you thought he was going to break it down,

“What?!” You asked while cracking the door partially open, 

“What do you mean what? Where have you been?! Nobody’s seen you for fucking months! We thought you died.”

"No, you didn't." You laughed pressing your face in the crack not wanting him to see your body,

"Yeah, I did. And you weren't talking to Yoongi. You know how moody he gets." Namjoon grumbled pressing the door with his foot. You held it steady chewing on the inside of your lip. You wanted to know how Yoongi was, but you didn't wish for Namjoon to find anything out. He had a mouth that was bigger than most middle school girls. 

“Are you here to report back about my whereabouts then? 

"Yes and I'm hungry. Let me in." He shouted pushing the door harder.

“No.” You snapped holding it firm,

“Why not?”

"Because you can't just barge in. What if I had company?"

            Namjoon looked at you with disbelief. Then he snorted. Then he doubled over with laugher hitting his thigs hard. Just when it looked like he was going to stop laughing, he looked at you and cackled harder tears falling out of his eyes, 

“Company?!” He cried as if he was Soulja Boy, “You’d never cheat on Yoongi. Quit playing and let me in.”

“Cheat? One would have to be dating someone to cheat. Now go away.”

"Are you still pretending like the two of you aren't an item. Do you know how often Yoongi…ugh." Namjoon growled and pushed the door harder than you were ready for. You took a few steps back holding your stomach glaring at him then you pulled down your shirt praying he'd be his normal non-observant self, "as I was saying…do you know how often he had the chance to sleep with these beautiful women? He'd just ignore them and message you or call you. He told all of the press people he had special someone waiting for him at home. And if it's not you then damn he's good at hiding…things…" Namjoon slowed down realizing the large elephant inside of you. He blinked once then turned walking to your kitchen,

“What are you doing?” You asked following him quickly, the baby kicking made you stop and breath deeply,  
  
“Before we can continue, I need a drink.” 

"On top of the fridge."

            Namjoon grabbed a bottle of whiskey and glass as you lowered yourself gradually into a chair watching him. He poured himself a three-fingered shot taking it all in one gulp then looked back at you pouring another glass. Under different circumstances, you'd yell at him for drinking the good stuff, but you were hoping that you'd be able to use that as a bribe to keep his mouth shut. He took a deep breath and stared you down, 

“I literally have no words.”

“Good. Because we’re gonna keep this a secret.”

“Is it Yoons?”

You rolled you’re your eyes and crossed your arms under your breasts, “No, it’s the fucking milk man’s.”

"He doesn't know. Oh my God, he doesn't know, more importantly…I was fucking right! You are very pregnant." Namjoon breathed walking over to you with the glass and bottle in hand. He sat next to you his eyes larger than you'd ever seen in your life.

"You want a cookie. Yes. You were right. And yes, Yoongi doesn't know, and we are going to keep that way right Namjoon? Right?"

“Not right! It’s his baby! He deserves to know.”

“Then what?” You growled, “Then I’ve ruined his life. He’s starting to get everything he’s ever wanted. His EP just came out when I found out then…it was moving too fast and now I’m here.”

“How are you going to explain away a whole ass child when he sees you?” He exclaimed. 

“I don’t know! I haven’t thought it all the way through!”

"I have to tell him." Namjoon nodded pulling out his phone. You tried to reach for it, but the baby kicked you trying to get comfortable forcing you to stay still and breath,

"No. And if you do, you might stress me out and put me into labor." You said quickly. If it weren't for the moment, you would've thought it was hilarious as Namjoon's eyes got wider. They looked like they could’ve fallen out at any second.  
  
“WHAT?!” He screamed slamming his phone down, “That can happen?”

“Yes! And it’s not fully cooked yet so leave it be.”

          Silence covered the room as Namjoon's wheels turned. He crossed his arms over his chest tapping his foot up and down. He tucked his bottom lips in his mouth and sucked in the air over and over before taking a deep breath,

“You have to tell him.” 

“No.” You replied flatly. Namjoon glanced over to you narrowing his eyes on you,

“You have to tell him. It’s his kid too. Tell him.” Namjoon’s voice was low and threatening, “I don’t know what will happen after, but he deserves to know the truth even if you are trying to protect him. Your distance is killing him but finding out that he has a kid with you that he didn't get a chance to love will destroy him. I know you are trying to help give him the future he envisioned, but that future changed the moment you found out you were pregnant. Do the right thing, Y/N. Tell him." 

            You sat still nodding slowly. Namjoon squeezed your shoulder before kissing your cheek lightly. He told you to tell him one last time before exiting your apartment with the bottle of whiskey in hand. You put your head on the table hating how much Namjoon was right. And he took your good booze. Fucking dick. He was lucky you loved him. You waddled over to your phone opening up the messages.

 

5:13pm

Hi **: You**

You free to talk soon? **: You**  


You started to set the phone down when his reply came through.

 

**Yoongi:** Yes

**Yoongi:** Tomorrow? My place?

 

Sure **: You**

See you at like 7 **: You**

****

 

            Time had a funny way of moving. You blinked, and you were standing at Yoongi's door your fist hovering. You couldn't remember the last time you knocked, usually using his keys and just walking in. But now you were standing there in your baggiest sweater and leggings, holding a big backpack to your belly to hide it a little longer. You scrunched up your nose and knocked on the door hard then pulled down the sleeves hiding your hands. The door opened up slowly a couple of seconds later, Yoongi standing there with a black hoodie and dark jeans. He was rubbing his damp hair then a soft smile appeared on his face. Your face flushed as you looked down for a second,

“Hey.”

“Hey.” He replied, “Come in.” 

            The only thing that changed about Yoongi’s place was two pieces of luggage that sat near his bedroom door. You squeezed the backpack tighter to you as you stepped inside the door closing behind you. There was nothing to be weird about. You whistled walking around,

“Wow. I’ve been gone too long.”

“You have.” He replied, “Want me to take your backpack?” He reached out to grab it making you step away quickly your heart pounding,

"No!" You yelped. Yoongi's hand dropped as the distance between the two of you grew, and an awkward quiet appeared. This was the hardest part. Figuring out how to tell him. Then apologizing about the lying and the hiding. You turned around and took a deep breath, “Close your eyes.”

"Why. You haven't talked to me in months, and I have to close my eyes." 

“Yes.” You sighed pinching the bridge of your nose, “Yes. Close your eyes.”

            Yoongi groaned and grunted when it was done. You tossed the backpack on the couch and pulled the sweater dress off your body standing there in your underwear, your pregnant belly all visible. You turned around and stood before him taking a good look at his calm face. You wanted to hold on to it before it was full of frowns and furrowed brows. Because this was it.

"I'm pregnant." You announced blood rushing through your body as your heart pounded. Yoongi opened his eyes quickly then looked at your belly. His feline eyes looked up at yours again then back to your stomach. 

“I don’t understand.” 

“I’m almost seven months pregnant.”

When Yoongi's eyes met with yours once more you saw the deep pain that was in them, a betrayal, "It's not mine." He scoffed then walked over grabbing your dress and tossing it at you without care,

“What?” You breathed holding the dress to your chest suddenly feeling ashamed of your body,

"It can't be mine. You would've told me if it was mine. Because you _showed_ me that negative pregnancy test."

“I know…” You whispered, “I know.” 

“Then if you know why are you announcing it to me as if its mine? It’s not mine. Because you used birth control.”

“I..i..its yours.” You whispered unable to look him in the eye, “I haven’t had sex with anyone besides you since we first started. I fucked up and didn’t take my birth control for a while. It’s yours. There’s nobody else it could belong too. I’m sorry –”

“YOU LIED TO ME?” Yoongi boomed making you clutch your sides. You never heard Yoongi yell in your in life, but you deserved it,

"I found out on the day your EP was released. I smelled something at the grocery store and threw up. The lady gave me some advice, and I bought the test as a joke really. When I showed you a test, I threw water on but...I did this for you."

“Me?! You lied to me for seven months for me? How! Please tell me your logic because I’m really trying here.”

You looked up at him clenching your jaw as your eyes filled with tears, “Because I didn’t want to ruin your life! You just got everything you ever wanted. The EP. The tour! The album! Everything. I couldn’t stop that. And plus, you said it yourself it was good that I wasn’t pregnant.”

"Because you said we were too busy! You wanna know what I was thinking about? I thought wow the woman I love the most in the world might be carrying my baby. How amazing is that! You being pregnant would've been a wonderful wrench in the plan, but we would've figured it out."

A tear slipped out of your eye when you heard that Yoongi loved you, “What?”

“We would’ve figured it out. It would’ve been difficult, but we take care of each other that’s what we always do. We love each other while we can’t love ourselves." 

            Love. You played this all wrong. You shook your head slowly sinking into the couch still unconvinced that you heard him correctly. That you were the woman he loved most. When did that happen? More tears fell out of your face as you realized you ruined the best relationship you ever had by trying to protect him. Yoongi was a man, and he deserved to know from the beginning. 

“I’m sorry,” You babbled putting your face in your hands, “I’m sorry. I thought that I was doing the right thing for you. Because I love you too. And now I’ve ruined it. I’m sorry.” You realized how pathetic and crazy you must look sitting on your couch clutching your dress still in your underwear, “I should go. I’m sorry. I need to go.”

            Everything in your body was screaming for you to leave. It was for the best though. Nothing really changed for you. You came living as a single mother, and you'd now go for sure as a single mother leaving the best part of your life behind, to raise the new best part of your life. You stood up throwing your dress on when a sharp kick from the baby made you double over. Of course, the baby would have a tantrum as you were trying to leave. You fought through the painful onslaught of kicks making your way to the door. You grabbed the handle and stopped moving as the thrusts became more like a jackhammer than anything else.

“I thought you were leaving.” He snapped behind you, 

“I…wo..would…baby. Kicking. EP.” You said between deep breaths, then looked up at him, “Baby is cranky because I’m not normal. I need EP to calm the baby.”

“What?” Yoongi blinked. You growled and hissed rubbing the spot the baby decided there should be a hole at. You hobbled over to the couch and lied back on it humming one of Yoongi’s songs.

"Play the EP please through the speakers or get me headphones. Sometimes the baby will get super irritable and will only calm down with the EP."

“What?!” Yoongi questioned again. You groaned and hissed, arching your back,

“Min fucking Yoongi! If you don’t play your fucking stupid ass EP through the fucking expensive ass stereo system right the fuck now, I will destroy everything in my path as soon as this baby calms the fuck down. The sooner you do it! The sooner I get the fuck out of your home.” You barked glaring at him.

            Yoongi huffed and pulled out his phone, playing the EP through the apartment. You grumbled your thanks closing your eyes. Your hands made small circular movements on your stomach as you hummed along to Yoongi's voice. On the second track, you felt Yoongi standing above you, looking at you with curious eyes. You tapped the couch and smiled at him softly, 

“This is your baby too, feel free to touch my belly.” 

His hand moved slowly until it connected with your stomach. Baby moved right in the spot he touched making Yoongi yelp and pull his hand away quickly, “Does it always do that?”

"Baby has been more active today than usual. Someone mushy would say Baby is happy to be near their father but I'm going to chalk it up to these feelings I'm going through they've never felt." You paused for a second then smirked, "Also Baby is not it. I don't know the gender which is why I call them baby."

“Why not?” 

“Well…if you didn’t know that Baby existed, why should I get to know their gender?” 

            Yoongi’s hand found its way back to your belly and sat next to you on the couch. The two of you sat in silence as his music filled the apartment. The EP played three times in a row then silence. It wasn’t awkward like the first time, it felt a little like the times you’d spend with Yoongi before the sex, the lies, the baby.

“What made you finally tell me?” Yoongi asked drawing circles on your stomach with his index finger,

            There was no need to lie about it anymore even if Yoongi wasn't going to like the answer. His brother found out about his baby before him? Just when things were calm, you were afraid that this would cause more problems again. You didn't want to leave anymore – this felt right. His hand on your stomach, his music playing, the baby was calm. Everything was perfect.

“Namjoon. He told me that we were a couple and you deserved to know. He was right on both. Fucking smart ass.”

“Namjoon knew about my baby before I did?” He sucked his teeth in irritation,

“I know. I know. I’m sorry. I fucked up. I know I fucked up.”

"Wanna know what's the most fucked up thing?" Yoongi sighed. You sat up to look at him better trying to keep your face blank, "That I'm pleased about this. That inside of you there is something we made together. That you love me back. That everything is what I want despite your lies and secrets."

Stinging appeared in your eyes as your lips parted slightly, “Wait…you forgive me?” 

“Not yet. There are a couple of things we need to make clear if we are going to go from friends with benefits to a relationship.”

“Who says I want a relationship. We are still busy.” You teased unable to stop yourself. Yoongi rolled his eyes and flicked your forehead lightly,   
  
“You are going to have my baby. We are in a relationship. We always were in one. Now, my terms. One, no more lies or secrets.”

“Deal.” You nodded chewing on your bottom lip,

“Two, we find a place big enough for our family.” He said sternly.

“Deal.” You smiled blinking tears out of your eyes,

“Three, you promise me here and now that we will love each other until we can’t anymore, instead of loving each other when we can’t love ourselves.”

“I promise.” You beamed.

            Yoongi leaned down and placed his lips on yours sending warmth and joy through your body. Then you started to cry into his kiss,

“You don’t have to do this you know.” You sobbed, “You can pretend that you don’t have a kid and be the amazing rapper that I know you to be. You don’t have to change anything about your life. I’ll be fine. We’ll be fine.”

“What am I changing about my life exactly?”  Yoongi laughed cleaning away your tears, “If I didn’t want this. I would say that. I promise if I change my mind at any time, you’ll be the first to know.” You nodded and kissed his lips lightly, “Now. Tell me everything you learned about…Baby. I have a lot of catching up to do.”

            For the rest of the evening, you told him everything you could about Baby. How baby loved when you ate plums and grapes. Baby's favorite music. How big baby was right now. You just kept talking feeling very lucky that you had the man you wanted back in your life and a new edition on the way. It could've gone way worse for you, and you were so appreciative that it didn't. You talked until you fell asleep in Yoongi’s arms.

 

_FIVE YEARS LATER_

 

            Go on tour with Daddy, he said. It'll be fun he said! Right now, you wanted to deck your husband in the face as you ran around with an almost-six-year-old and a toddler attached to your hip. How your son was avoiding all of the chords and equipment while running full speed was a trait he got from neither of his parents.

“Jesus! Yoonsung you can’t just go running backstage! And especially without your earmuffs buddy!” You cried chasing him down as you held Yihyun who held her earmuffs firmly on her head. 

            The concert was about to start in twenty minutes, and you looked away for two seconds talking to Jimin, and he slipped away. Even though Tae was supposed to be on Yoonsung watch but he was focused on his new girlfriend. That's why you wanted Jin to do it, but Tae was adamant that he could handle it and was slacking massively in the uncle department. Yoonsung made a hard left, and you followed behind while Yihyun squealed with joy. She was enjoying this way more than she should've. 

“Yoonsung. Mommy’s not gonna be happy if you fall and hurt yourself! Stop. Right now.” And of course, instead of stopping he turned around and started to backpaddle, “Kid. I don’t know who you think your parents are. Neither of us are athletic. You were not blessed in that department! Slow down!”

            Yoonsung stuck his tongue out then smiled, all gums. He was a carbon copy of his father which made your heart burst. Yihyun looked like the two of you mixed so you were hoping the next kid would be all you. Then no more babies…maybe. You and Yoongi did make beautiful spawn. Right as Yoonsung was turning to sprint again, he ran into the legs of someone a gentle ‘oof' falling from his lips as he landed on his ass,

“See, what’d I tell you bud?” You snorted, 

"Are you running again, Sungie?" Yoongi asked while squatting to look at him in the eye. Yoonsung stood up slowly and pouted sighing hard nodding his head, "Ah, you know how dangerous that is. C'mere. You have to wear your earmuffs, or you won't be able to listen to mommy's bad singing."

“Hey!” You laughed as Yihyun stretched out for her daddy. You set her down and watched her walk gingerly to her father before wrapping her arms around him as much as she could. Yoongi latched her to his side before standing up and grabbing his son’s hand. They walked over to as a group before Yoongi planed a kiss on your lips, 

“Wish me luck.” He grinned putting his forehead on yours,

“You don’t need luck. You got us.” You said with a bounce of your eyebrows.

            Yoongi was right again. Somehow you two made it work. Yoonsung knew more about a recording studio and a stage than any six your kid had a right too. Yihyung was growing up the same way. They were so loved and cared for, and so where you. To think you thought about living a life that didn’t involve Yoongi. To not allow your children to have this. Their lives were better because of it. And so was yours.

“Baby,” You whispered into his ear, “I’ll love you even when you can’t love yourself.”

“I’ll love you until I can’t.” He replied kissing your forehead. Yihyung giggled and kissed your cheek not wanting to be left out. Yoonsung gagged then pressed his knees together complaining about needing to use the bathroom. You sighed and grabbed his hand, a mother’s work was never done.


End file.
